Category: Uncategorized

In December 2009, I was involved in a rollover accident where black ice decided to take my vehicle and skate with it.  I ended up dangling from my seat secured by my seat belt, and of course the only way out is to undo, so then I crumpled to the roof of my little SUV.  Didn’t really sustain any major injuries (or so I thought) just some cuts and bruises.  However, in the front floorboard of vehicle were two things that could have easily killed me, a heavy toolbox and my bowling bag with a 14 lb bowling ball inside.  There was no indication at the time whether I was struck by these but later in the following year it could have been possible.

At the end of February 2010, winter’s ice decided that it enjoyed my skating routine and wanted an encore, so as I headed out the door of my home, my feet made contact with the ice on the step and my butt was close to hitting the ground, a quick thinking of grabbing onto the porch railing seemed like a good idea.  My right arm and shoulder would take a hit and hyper-extend saving me from impact.

The double-one and a half-twist and shout combination I performed with disastrous results has now caused me excruciating pain in my neck and upper back, as well as in arm and shoulder sending me immediately to my doctor’s office, only my doctor wasn’t in that day but a stand by was…he addressed the pain in my arm as the results of what Tennis Elbow was, without any x-rays.  He just assumed that was what it was.   My skating routines were flawed by incorporating a game of Tennis in the mix….his assumption and me believing him could have been my demise.

Acting upon this pain I was feeling as it was getting worse and going up into my neck, I demanded my future wife to take me to the emergency room, to which ended up scaring the crap out of me when a neurosurgeon said to me, if I had fallen or had gotten in a rear end collision, the damage to my neck would result in me being paralyzed.  He was glad that I followed up on my pain and not taken the Tennis Elbow diagnoses seriously, because from the rollover and slip off porch, I damaged my spinal cord and vertebrae.   To make a long story short, I needed surgery.   In April of that same year, I lay on an operation table while slipping away to la-la land and received Cervical Spine with Fusion surgery to repair the damaged vertebrae and inserting a titanium plate and six screws into my neck and I haven’t been the same since.

(April 2010)

My surgeries were not over, the next two years, I kept having issues with the nerves in my right arm to the tips of my fingers.  Doctor was concerned about the numbness in my fingers and thought maybe a surgery to my right hand similar to Carpal Tunnel would help.

(July 2010)

It didn’t.

A year has passed…no relief from the nerve pain, the healing took forever from surgeries the prior year.

I was sent to specialists to determine the underlying causes of the nerve pain, and after having a very painful nerve test, there was a focus on my elbow.  No, not the first diagnoses of Tennis elbow, but of the Funny Bone kind, only there was noting funny about it at all. The nerve in your elbow is not protected, the reason why it sends tears to your eyes and expletive words to come from deep within to come out the mouth with no remorse at all.   It’s not funny at all.  For me, the pain that I was feeling was like constantly hitting that “Funny Bone” over and over.  So the surgeon, who performed my previous surgery did an Ulnar Nerve Reposition procedure, where he shaved a piece of my elbow to reposition the nerve into a channel, to protect it.  The result worked but the stitchery was ugly.

(April 2011)

Ahead to 2015, the nerves are still compromised, my right hand is pretty much useless, I get hand cramps that are so painful they bring tears, my way of life has changed drastically.   My love for bowling and softball has been taken away, I am so weak, I can’t lift my bowling ball no longer, even a child’s ball is too heavy.  I used to be creative artistically: painting mailboxes, murals, canvases, little odds n ends for friends and family such as below.

(a little addition to a watering can)

Not only am I not healing like I should have, as I am getting older, I will be 50 next year, other things are coming into play…my eyesight.  Was told I have a slight cataract and may need bi-focals and I broke a tooth a bit ago and it’s throbbing with pain….so hear is where my post will take a turn…there is no skating involved, there is me and my health.

After my Cervical Spine surgery, my life changed, working was complicated and I ended up being disabled, my hand is pretty much dead, there is no feeling in it, I can’t even feel the keys to type this blog.  So upon being disabled I immediately qualify for Medicare and Medicaid, and since I have hardly any income I also receive food assistance.  So here I am, trying to make it in this world as some kind of positive impact, my health needs are being placed on back burners because recently…I found out that even though I have Medicaid, it doesn’t cover my eye doctor and dentist, because some where along the lines of sort of working, at least trying since my spine surgery, I fell in a gap to where I made just a little too much to qualify for full coverage and only get “medically needy” coverage.   I am covered for hospital and drug costs via Medicare but for my head health like my teeth and eyes are not.  Apparently, when all this healthcare reform was happening, I was not notified that I needed to apply for supplemental insurances like CHIP or HMO.

On top of all that, during this health insurance shift, my primary care doctor here in Florida, dropped me.  So now I do not have any kind of doctor at all.  My hope for a healthy future doesn’t lie within the hands of a doctor but some political figure like this jerk, our governor:

(Prick…did I say that?…Scott)

From an article on Huffington Post 05/09/2015:

The governor says he shouldn’t be forced to expand the same program he supported two years ago, even if the financial terms are now much better for Florida: With its current Medicaid population, Florida pays 40 percent of the bill and the federal government pays 60 percent. Under Medicaid expansion, the feds will pay the entire bill at first, and 90 percent thereafter.

An AP reporter asked the governor a tough question Thursday (May 7, 2015) after Scott returned empty-handed from Washington, where he had tried to persuade Obama’s Health and Human Services secretary to extend the grant even without a Medicaid deal.

“Two years ago you did come out in favor of expansion,” the reporter asked. “Can explain to me — were you lying back then — or has something changed, other than an election, between now and then to get you to change your position?”

“Let’s remember what I said back then. It was the day that we were able to get our waivers done,” Scott responded.

(“There are 800,000 Floridians who are not being included in our health care system. It is unfair and it’s inhumane. And it’s illogical…we’re refusing free money,” (U.S. Rep. Lois Frankel, D-West Palm Beach, joined two Democratic Florida legislators in blasting Gov. Rick Scott and state House Republican leaders for refusing to accept $2.8 billion in federal Medicaid money.) “What’s illogical to me is that Gov. Scott just was in Washington, D.C., basically begging the federal government to write a check to pay for uncompensated care in Florida hospitals. That’s federal money that he wanted. And yet, on the other hand, he’s turning down much more money that would go to the health care of 800,000 more Floridians and keep many of them out of hospitals and give them preventive care,” Frankel said. “The state legislature needs to come together and accept this Medicaid expansion money.”)

So, in my personal quest for finding a primary care doctor, I have now fallen out of the network as to where before I could go to someone who accepted my insurance.

I didn’t chose to be disabled, it wasn’t my fault, if the surgeon had done his job and fixed me, I wouldn’t be here ranting but since I am disabled and in need of medical attention, and being diverted I am going to rant…it is my American right too…

Last time I checked, I was still human, but it seems like not being able to have the same results as others more well off than me, humility is more how I feel.   A country I call home, has failed to maintain the strength it once had and we who live within it, the everyday American person, are being taken advantage of.

Do I have to lose my eye sight because of a cataract?

I am but one person out of billions…just one person, being overlooked because I am out-of-network with countless doctors and healthcare professionals who could restore my vision and fix my broken tooth.  It shouldn’t have to be this way, it never was this hard before and I am sure it’s only going to get worse before it gets better.

Will I get better? I hope so….I may have to take my health issues into my own hands:

(this is reality…this is Hell)

Ice dancing is in my past..but then if hell freezes over…looks like I better brush up on my skating techniques. Because if Florida’s governor, doesn’t care about my health, who will?

I would like to wish all the Mothers of the world (and Daddy’s too if you have taken on the role of Mom, in those special relationships)…

My mother, is 71 years old and lives alone with her cat, Molly in Argyle, NY (upstate), a beautiful soul compacted into a short stature with a strength of years of having to deal with me, loss of a husband and loved ones, and that ugly word called cancer.  I wasn’t the ideal child, but I turned out ok.  Since the passing of my father, we have become closer as Mother/Daughter.   She is quick to do for others and people respect her for that.  But do not ever cross her wrong as she will put you in your place.  Mom’s are like that.  They know more than they show, and you think they don’t pay attention to you, but you are mistaken…like mine knew for many years that I was gay, but I was afraid to tell her face to face, so I wrote her a long letter and she replied back that she knew and accepted me…it didn’t change anything, she didn’t disown me as many fear…I feared.  She doesn’t treat me any differently, which is great and that is how it should be…come out, and be loved regardless.  Unfortunately other mothers aren’t so kind and will toss their flesh and blood out like trash and denounce their relationships.  But my mom isn’t like that, she is respectful and understanding and full of love unconditional.  I love her for that, and love her for more…more than words can express. 

Gender is topic of conversations lately and I was given a chance to give opinion as to how I feel about my own gender.

I never thought so much about gender as I have this year. I have always considered my gender as a girl, often labeling myself a tomboy (or boi). Society seems to want to label me differently than what I was born as. I am often confused for a boy…probably because my hair is short, I wear men’s clothes, my back pocket carries my wallet, and there is nothing female about me except what lies underneath my clothes. It is not my intentions to be called male, and it is not my intention to act like a female, the girly kind.

It was not my intention to be born gay either, but it happened and it is something that I must live with. There is no turning me into something I am not. Many are born female but have the need to become a male as well a birthed boy wanting to be a girl. This is where today I am looking at my own gender and wonder if I should be a boy, what joy to be able to stand and pee where I please and to run around without a shirt on. But then I think, well if those are the only things that I would enjoy about being a male, then I might as well just get used to the confinement of a bra and being careful not to get poison ivy on my ass when I squat to pee.

In the early years of my girlhood, my mother put me in dresses and I admit I was a cute little girl, but eventually the dresses were taken over by jeans and t-shirts, shorts and tanks, and getting more dirty and rough around the edges, as I was turning into a tomboy. I was becoming less of the girl my Mother had and more like the boy my Father was having to help out in the garage.

Was it about gender then? Did it matter if I were a boy or a girl getting grease under my nails helping my Dad in the garage? This wasn’t something I was learning about in school, there wasn’t anything I heard about on the television or read in the newspapers, but inside me, in my classroom of life, I was changing more and more. I was imagining deeply what it would be like to have sex with a girl, but confused at the same time because I didn’t have the necessary parts to do that with a girl. Took a few test tries to figure out that I didn’t need what a boy had to provide pleasure…so I stopped wishing that I wanted to be a boy.

I do think like a male and still dress like one, but my gender that is indicated between my legs keeps me grounded. I am often called a boy by people who judge me for how I wear myself and I find it OK that I am called a Sir or Dude…it is completely OK and the look on their faces when I turn around and they see I am a she…it is priceless to see their red faces. Their apologies consistent with the internal giggles and outward smiles…

I applaud the many people who identify with their gender as something beyond the normalcy of male or female. I hurt when I hear of someone taking their lives because a parent or a bully can’t adjust to what is beyond normal…why do we have to be the same as everyone else?

I will be 50 next year and I have seen a lot in those years, I have seen where I came from to where I am now, to everything beautiful and ugly, loved and hated, to being able to marry the one I love to being criticized for that same love, in between. I hope that someday in my lifetime, gender will no longer be an issue and we all can live our lives the way it was intended not by society standards.

From The Post Star 2/24/08 in response to an article where a man full of hatred towards the gay community and a “mentally ill man”, a transgender woman, and a friend of mine.   Such a different time it was in New York in 2008, fighting for the right to marry the ones we love and just a whole lot of prayers and tears over the years since then…leading to 2011 where rainbows formed throughout the state and people were joining in matrimony in equality.

Moral Society Doesn’t Need Fear and Hatred

by Kat Langworthy…Argyle, NY

Dear Editor:

     I agree with Mr. Buell, I too value a decent, moral and free society.  I disagree that the “radical community” is out to cause harm but to only gain acceptance like any other person in America.

     The hatred that feeds this man and others like him is unbelievable.  What I would like to ask Mr. Buell is, would he hate his child if she/he told him they were gay? Why does the earth stop breathing when a mention is made of some “radical” fighting for acceptance and freedom? Why can’t they have that glory?

    The Bridge is a place where the LGBT community can come and feel safe from people such as Buell.  It’s just not a safe haven for youth gorups but for anyone who would like to learn more about what The Bridge offers.  They have “normal” people who seek the welcoming arms of this great community center.  They do not turn their backs to anyone.

     Maybe Mr. Buell, and anyone who “hate or fear homosexuals” would like to take in a meeting. You might learn a thing or two.

     And don’t be too quick to judge Andrea Adams, that “mentally ill man”, for she has a heart of gold and has the knowledge to make a difference in our lives. You can’t judge a person if you do not know the person.

     We need more people like NY State Senator Betty Little, Andrea Adams and NY Assemblywoman, Teresa Sayward.  (titles they held in 2008), so that children you toss into the streets who aren’t “normal” don’t have to hide their identity in dark and lonely closets.

     As a lesbian, a member of The Bridge and a friend of Andrea’s, I will continue to fight for my rights and freedoms just like millions of other minorities do every single day.   End.

Last year it was all about the spooks and the scares of Halloween…this year it’s all about the spooks and scares of the November elections. The most scary thing about it is Pam Bondi, Rick Scott and Daniel Webster could be re elected if you don’t get out and vote…FLORIDA!!! What frightens me most is these three bigots in office again is that our freedoms will continue to be compromised. Think personally about what they do for you and not the state or country. If they have done nothing for you they do not deserve your vote.

Equality is high on my list of what each candidate can do for me. BringingMarriage Equality first and foremost to the front line here in Florida would mean so much to the people wanting it. It would bring in revenue for the state because who wouldn’t want to marry on our beautiful beaches or awesome parks or where many get hitched at the theme park resorts we have here.

The horror of having people in office who think that marriage of the same sexes will impose public harm or that the sanctity of marriage will be forever doomed, do not know the true meaning of marriage to people like me and countless lgbt people who live here in Florida.

It is obvious with Bondi why she appeals so much… why would anyone want to get married to the one we love? When she can’t even get her married life in order but attacks us when it seems like we are going into the right direction. And she steps in with her infamous approach on upholding the laws of the constitution of the United States and of Florida. To which she is not doing at all (I will edit this later because I don’t have file on phone and it’s easier on computer to insert things)

We are always moving in the right direction with bumps and obstacles in our way…so why would we continue to vote for people who are the cause for these obstacles, they are NOT for the people they do NOT care about you or I, they only care to run our lives tell us what we should be doing, how we are to do it and when. The entire government is doing that regardless of political party. Not one party is better than the other but there are smarter people in each party. I am an independent I grew up in a small fan town in upstate New York where most folk are republican….My parents are republican, my grandmother, aunts and uncles all republican. I am friends with democrats and as an independent I have voted for three democrats in the race to eliminate those bumps and obstacles that the republicans have placed before us.

These are the people you may have voted for, these are the people who made promises to get your vote, these are the bumps in the road for my freedoms and yours. These are the people who will continue to corrupt Florida and this country if you don’t get off the couch and vote.

Pam Bondi meet George Sheldon
Rick Scott meet Charlie Crist
And Daniel Webster, your years in office doesn’t mean you’re experienced so step aside and let Michael McKenna take over.

These three are not good for America not for Florida…and definitely NOT for me.

Go blue stay true

e

by Robert F. Kennedy

“There are differing evils, but they are common works of man. They reflect the imperfection of human justice, the inadequacy of human compassion, our lack of sensibility toward the sufferings of our fellows. But we can perhaps remember- even if only for a time- that those who live with us are our brothers; that they share with us the same short moment in life; that they seek- as we do- nothing but the chance to live out their lives in purpose and happiness, winning what satisfaction and fulfillment they can.

Surely this bond of common faith, this bond of common goal, can begin to teach us something. Surely, we can learn, at least, to look at those around us as fellow men. And surely we can begin to work a little harder to bind up the wounds among us and to become in our hearts brothers and countrymen once again.

Our answer is to rely on youth- not a time of life but a state of mind, a temper of will, a quality of imagination, a predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. The cruelties of obstacles of this swiftly changing planet will not yield to obsolete dogmas and outworn slogans. They cannot be moved by those who cling to a present that is already dying, who prefer the illusion of security to the excitement and danger that come with even the most peaceful progress…

Some believe there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world’s ills- against misery, against ignorance, or injustice and violence. Yet many of the world’s great movements, of thought and action, have flowed from the work of a single man. A young monk began the Protestant reformation, a young general extended an empire from Macedonia to the borders of the earth, and a young woman reclaimed the territory of France. It was a young Italian explorer who discovered the New World, and 32 year old Thomas Jefferson who proclaimed that all men are created equal. ‘Give me a place to stand,’ said Archimedes, ‘and I will move the world.’

These men moved the world, and so can we all. Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.

Few are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change the world that yields most painfully to change…

Our future may lie beyond our vision, but it is not completely beyond our control. It is the shaping impulse of America that neither fate nor nature nor the irresistible tides of history, but the work of our own hands, matched to reason and principle, that will determine our destiny. There is pride in that, even arrogance, but there is also experience and truth. In any event, it is the only way we can live.” – Robert F. Kennedy, in a speech made to youths in South Africa, 1966.

There was a guy named Lloyd

Everyone called him Floyd

He was really getting annoyed

That nobody knew his name.

People called him Floyd

Said he was like a hemorrhoid

A royal pain in their ass

Without any kind of class.

One day Lloyd

Whom they knew as Floyd

Went to the drug store

Came back as someone they knew no more

Lloyd was not Floyd

Floyd was not Lloyd

His name now was June.

Darkness falls across the land
The thunderstorm is close at hand
Creatures run in search of shelter
In a terrorizing huddled cluster.
And whosoever shall be found
With branches from trees crashing down
Must stand and face the sounds of hell
A plot to run inside an apartments shell
A blustery chill is in the air
Leaving your eyes with painful tears
A lightning flash and thunderous boom
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you cower to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can out run
The evil of a river.