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I wish I could see into the future so that this stress that I am feeling can be satisfied. People constantly asking me what is wrong, or how I am feeling they feel it too. You don’t know how I feel. You will never know how I feel. Just like I will never know what you are going through. And I can show you that I care and feel for you just as you can for me, but I do not want your pity. I do not want you to come around now, when you were never here in the first place. That is not how that works.

My health isn’t the greatest, and at 55 years old, I wish in the past I had taken care of myself better. As of right now, I have a rotator cuff tear, another tear and arthritis in my right shoulder. With years of diabetes issues, my kidneys are now a little bit compromised, that could cause issues down the road. I had a mammogram, they found three 1/2 cm masses in my breasts. 2 in the left and one in the right. I am waiting for an appointment for an ultrasound to see if they are cancerous or just cysts. The one in the right boob, has gotten bigger than the last exam I had. When they make you wait, your mind is in serious thought, and since I have no friends to hang out with while the wife is at work, I am left with my thoughts.

Not working, couldn’t anyway. Don’t have any income coming in, trying to sell my photography creations online, but nobody is buying anything, I don’t know why I even bother. I love taking photos, I am pretty good at it. I think. I don’t know why I am even writing this…..nothing for attention. Just need to release the pent up shit in my head and I am pretty good at writing. But that is all. For now…..